Living like I don't give a damn.

I just want to forget it ever happened.

WTF is my problem?

I have a constant and painful fear of losing him. I really love him. I don’t want to screw this up. I really need to get it together.

I know I shouldn’t be frustrated. he needs the money. but he barely talks to me after he gets home from working cause he’s so tired. and now he’s blowing me off next tuesday to work because we don’t have skill center. he’s the one who suggested we hang out in the first place. wtf, bro.

When I was little I always thought my grandpa wasinvincible.I never thought anything bad would happen to him. But now I’m sitting here, fighting back tears because my grandpa feels like he only has a few days left. I always imagined my grandfather being there at my graduation. Seeing me walk down the aisle at my wedding, and saying hello to my first child. These are all experiences that my cousins have had with him. Why can’t I have these experiences, too? I love him so much. I don’t understand why I have to watch him crumble. He’s always been strong for me and I feel like I can’t return the favor. I can’t picture my life without him. He has been so important to me since the day I was born. I have learned so much from in the 17 years that I’ve known him. I hate the thought of not being able to call him and invite him to dinner or be able to walk into his house and say “hey handsome!” and get the reply, “you must be talking to me!” I’m so scared of facing life without him. He is my rock, my umbrella in the storm. Losing him will be losing a part of my heart and I’m not ready for that pain. I just don’t know what to do. Is it going to be okay?

I drove Quinten home from school because he was supposed to be leaving to go to the U.P. for spring break last night. So we got in the car and went to his house. We went in and I hung out over there for about an hour until he kicked me out. Lol. Yes, you heard me, kicked me out. “Babe you really have to go now.” So me, being to ‘obedient’ girlfriend that I am (yeah right ;) ) I left and let him do his thing. So I came home and laid down after a long day at school with the spirit assemble and such. So I’m laying in bed when I hear a knock on the door. Thinking it was my imagination I ignored until I got a text from Q asking if I was home. I sprung up out of bed and threw my jeans on and go to the door to find my sweet boyfriend  standing in my doorway, all dressed up with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. :) He steps in the door and kisses me. He looks into my eyes and puts his hand on my cheek. “I know that this isn’t anything spectacular and fancy but, Sarah, will you go to prom with me?” :) I couldn’t stop smiling. He said he hasn’t seen smile so big since he asked me out. I am so happy when I am with him. :) He is truly the best boyfriend ever :) I’m in love :)

“you’re tacky and I hate you”

but words are overrated so I’m just gonna rooooll with it.